Healing Your Inner Child

Carrying wounds from our childhood, teenage or young adult years is more common than many realize. The effects of bullying, cultural and religious conditioning, or worse - physical, sexual, or emotional abuse can absolutely affect our adult years, especially if we have not overcome the effects on the body. We may think we have “dealt with it” by acknowledging it mentally but that does not mean it was healed within our nervous system.

Unresolved wounds such as child sexual abuse need to be addressed in a different manner. On its own, talk therapy does not go deep enough into the core of the issue, the root cause. As well, by telling our story over and over again in therapy or even to ourselves, means that our nervous system is being triggered again and again, reinforcing the nervous system response. We can become easily triggered in our relation to our interactions with others, our romantic relationships, our friendships, our family relationships. Triggers can cause us to respond in an angry way, often lashing out or responding in a negative way. These triggers can also cause us to retreat into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn behaviors, as these are the neuropathways we have created over the years in order to survive. If not treated, healed, overcome, these patterns of thinking and reacting often lead to sexual, emotion, and relational blocks. What can make matters worse is that often some of us have suppressed memories of these traumatic events as a defensive and survival mechanism. This is often referred to as Dissociative amnesia, which can be life-long or often the memories can start to return at some point, even in later adult years.

According to The National Children’s Alliance 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 13 boys in the U.S. are estimated to experience child sexual abuse., The Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation writes that according to a study published in The Lancet, nearly 1 out of 5 women and 1 out of 7 men aged 20 and older globally faced sexual violence as a child. Studies also show that survivors of sexual abuse have a higher risk of developing cognitive challenges, depression, anxiety, physical ailments, emotional issues, substance abuse, addictions, and more.

In my experience as a sexologist and counsellor, religion, race, and country are not a determining factor for sexual abuse and is definitely not a factor in whether or not the survivors have been able to overcome the effects of this abuse in their lives. In fact, in my experience, religion often turns a blind eye and the leaders or members of the congregation are often the abusers, often under the guise of “penance” or “discipline” or worse - telling the children (and some adults) that it is how they can show love and gratitude toward the abuser.

In this modern world, some people who have wounds stemming from abuse often try to distract themselves from the associated feelings with scrolling, food, television, and other forms of temporary dopamine fixes, which can become addictions. Some throw themselves into their work, even to the detriment of their health and other responsibilities. But the reason, the root cause of their suffering is not being addressed. Now, do not be disheartened, There is hope. These “super highways" created by habitual patterns can be re-routed. Neuroplasticity means that we can create new neural pathways by creating new habits and practices.

Practices that rewire the nervous system are those that take us out of our busy “monkey mind” so that we can start to address the root causes of the issues within the nervous system. If you have heard the phrase “getting out of my own way” this really means to stop overthinking and take action. Action does not mean pushing through or “just powering on.” Action can be sitting with the emotion and feeling it. Noticing where we are feeling it in the body and then taking action to clear and heal it. This is not something that needs to be done alone or in secret. Action can also mean seeking help and finding methods and practices that really work.

If you would like to learn how you can overcome the effects of trauma and heal your inner child, I invite you to reach out for a no-cost 30 minute consultation. Together, we can explore whether working together can help you move toward freedom and liberation from the blocks to your bliss.

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